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"It Wasn't Me!"

Parents have all heard this line from their kids. “It wasn’t me!”

If we’re not parents, I’m sure we’ve all got memories of saying it ourselves as kids – sometimes it might have been true, other times it might have been all lies!

Knowing what is and isn’t part of our personality is structural to our identity. It can be a long road finding our authentic selves though.

I used to be so fearful. I was afraid of my own opinion. I learnt to camouflage it with bubbles and glamour, but over time, it became harder and harder to get out of bed and meet the day because I was living out of a false sense of identity. I developed a depression that made it harder and harder to navigate my way through life.

I really didn’t know myself, couldn’t own the strength and tenacity that was buried deep inside me because I didn’t even realise it was there – but it was. Placed very deliberately by a loving Creator God. I never would have imagined I could live through the experiences I have and become so bold. That change took a long time. In fact, it's still developing. It was indeed the traumatic experiences in my life that brought those strengths out in me. I have to be glad about that.

There is a deeper way of understanding ourselves and experiences than just looking at our psychological development. We are, the bible says, and I believe, made in the image of God, and this has a resulting impact on living.

Genesis 1:27 (KJB)

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

God is Spirit.

John 4:24 (KJB)

God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

2 Corinthians 3:17 (NASB)

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

If God is Spirit and I am made in His image, that means, I am first of all spirit and there is a spiritual element to living that I must acknowledge as primary. We see in this verse there is supposed to be freedom in that living.

Often, when experiences happen in our childhood, a defilement takes place, a stronghold becomes established and a defiling spirit, such as fear or anger gains entry. It begins to control us and finally evidences itself in our lives and controls our thinking, and our behaviour.

That’s not the freedom that the bible talks about.

Matthew 12 and Luke 11 talk about evil spirits living inside of people. But they can be evicted.

Spiritual possession or oppression doesn’t happen without our permission. We have to understand we’re consenting partners. Unfortunately, we don’t always realise we’ve consented. If we agree on some level with the fear, the anger, the ‘unfairness’, the distrust or offense, and believe an idea which then sets itself up against the knowledge of God - that is, what is actually true and right - then we have admitted a lie into our lives and that lie permits an open-door, entry ticket to spiritual authority over us that is not from God.

1 Peter 5:8 (CEV)

Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack.

Spiritual warfare is real. Many people would label it something else or disclaim spiritual reality. To their loss.

I lived many years with a spirit of fear. How do I know it was a spirit and not just the emotion of fear? Because it dominated my thinking and responses in life. The bible says God has not given us the “spirit” of fear in 2 Timothy 1:7. I grew up identifying with fear, not ever realising there was a never-say-die tenacity inside me that was actually my true identity. I couldn't even recognise fear as an imposter, so well had it established itself over what was real.

I remember when the spirit of fear left me. I was on my way home after dropping my son off at school, sharing a conversation with God – and suddenly it was evicted. I saw a picture of a tooth being pulled from its root and just like that, I knew I was free. The picture was coupled with a feeling of release that filled me.

What had led up to that? Nothing obvious to my mind – and yet, something significant.

As I spent time in God’s presence, worshiping, praying, reading the bible, just soaking in quiet, private time with the Creator of the Universe, His Spirit began to fill me more. My Creator became more real to me and I began to believe in the words I read in the bible. In that time, He gave me truths. In that time, as I submitted to Him, He took back my life that I had unwittingly opened up to the devil.

I believe it was the Holy Spirit’s power in me that had counselled me for long enough to claim the truth of who I was in faith. That truth so greatly changed my attitudes that the spirit of fear could no longer dictate my actions or feelings and it was the spirit of fear that became afraid to stay!

Another time, I was delivered from a demonic spirit in my sleep. I woke up to hear guttural, horrible sounds coming out of my own mouth, attacking, fighting. It wasn’t human.

“It wasn’t me!”

I couldn’t even understand the syllables it was snarling. It woke me up and I immediately realised what was happening (because the Holy Spirit was with me) and in Jesus Name I told it to be gone and not come back. There was never any fear. I immediately prayed for knowledge and understanding. It left immediately as I submitted myself to God and drew close to Him, and I felt peace in its place. The Holy Spirit had ousted that spiritual power of darkness by His Word that had become more and more alive in me and finally, it was kicked out. .

My point in sharing these stories is to let you know, the battle is the Lord’s.

It wasn’t me! He knows what we need when we need it, He has a time and place for everything, He prepares us in advance, He makes us ready and He establishes our way when we diligently seek Him. We need to know who we belong to, because we each belong to one side or the other. Light or darkness.

1 John 1:5 (BSB)

And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you: God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

When we give our lives to the good work of Jesus Christ, He is able to save us from all the darkness and deception that contaminates our lives in this world. It isn’t for us to worry about. We cannot save ourselves, but we can rely on Christ the Saviour to work on our behalf.

Acts 16:31 (ESV)

Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.

While the battle is the Lord’s, we need to be aware we are part of the fight. That’s what I’ll be discussing in my next article, “Fight or Flight”, through the lens of David in the book of 1 Samuel in the bible.


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