I was born and brought up in a loving, Christian family. Unfortunately, I never understood God's love as my Creator and grew up dismissing the voice (opinions and ideas) he'd given me.
Because I didn't value myself, I began a pattern when I was young of allowing others to define me. Self-doubt and worthlessness were my most prominent voices.
In my late 20's to early 30's I left the church I'd been involved with, developed a panic disorder, walked away from a car accident that should have been fatal, moved in with a man I'd known for 3 months, got a degree, bought a house, and got married. The marriage ended after my husband attempted to strangle me, several years later. After counselling had proven unsuccessful, I flung myself into an affair and separated from my husband, desperate for love and reassurance of my worth.
The shame and trauma of being valued by strangulation lasted for 18 years, not only because of that event, but because of how I felt shunned by those closest to me.
I let shame, guilt, failure, condemnation and rejection shape me.
I tried even harder to become someone I thought I should be.
Giving birth to a beautiful boy was the best experience of my life but the relationship I was in became toxic and fell apart. The family court system that we struggled through created more devastation. I became bankrupt and finally, I ran back to a waiting God who had His arms extended to catch me.
God gently began showing me His love, restoring my soul and re-establishing my life, piece by piece. He showed me He loved me because He made me and He made me because I am valuable and I am valuable because He made me the way I am. Not that shattered person, but a whole, loveable, harmonious, gifted person that He intended to heal.
I love to study the bible. I'm not a theologian or psychologist. I've just lived a lot of experiences and want to use the voice I never had to help others understand God's hope as I grab hold of it in my own life through His Word.
It doesn't matter what we've done and how undone we've become, we never have to stay in hopeless situations. God always has better.
You might like to read my article Put the Rubbish in the Bin that I wrote when God was helping me clean up old sludge that was still lying buried in me. When we realise God is for us, we need to be prepared to do what we can do, so that God can do what only He can in our lives.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is unsearchable.