Let's Do Launch

I was raised in a loving home and my parents were committed followers of God. Unfortunately, I never understood God's love as my Creator and grew up dismissing the voice (opinions and ideas) He'd given me.

Because I didn't value myself, I began a pattern when I was young of allowing others to define me. Self-doubt and worthlessness were my most prominent voices.

In my early 20's I had a breakdown, in my late 20's I was suffering from depression and by my early 30's I'd developed a panic disorder. I left the church, walked away from a car accident that should have been fatal, moved in with a man I'd known for 3 months, got a degree, bought a house, and got married. The marriage ended after my husband attempted to strangle me, several years later. After counselling proved unsuccessful and my husband unremorseful, I flung myself into an affair and separated, desperate for love and reassurance of my worth. The shame and trauma of being valued by strangulation lasted for 18 years, not only because of that event, but because of how family and friends distanced themselves from me.

Despite the challenges of deep internalisation, I was a cheerful personality and positively inclined, yet at my core, shame and rejection clung to me.

I tried hard to become someone I could be proud of. Valuable. Beloved.

Giving birth to a beautiful boy was the best experience of my life but the relationship I was in became corrosive and I took my child and me into refuge. The family court system that we struggled through created more devastation. I became bankrupt and at long last, I ran back to a waiting God who had His arms extended to enfold me. 

God gently began showing me His love, restoring my soul and re-establishing my life, piece by piece. He showed me He loved me because He made me and He made me because I am valuable and I am valuable because He made me the way I am. Not that shattered person, but a whole, loveable, harmonious, gifted person that He intended to heal.

I love to study the bible. I'm not a theologian or psychologist. I've just lived a lot of experiences and want to use my voice to help others understand God's hope as I grab hold of it in my own life through His Word. 

It doesn't matter what we've done and how undone we've become, we never have to stay in hopeless situations. God always has better. 

You might like to read my article Put the Rubbish in the Bin that I wrote when God was helping me clean up old sludge that was still lying buried in me. When we realise God is for us, despite the chaos, we are able to do what we can do, so that God can do what only He can do in our lives. Then we can find true liberation and joy.