Daily Journal: 4 July

Talking to Restore Bonds

When we care about a relationship, we want to fix what’s broken; we want to keep wiping away marks so that they don’t leave a stain; we want to repair any tears. Sadly, just like getting rid of a stain, or repairing a tear, that's not always straight-forward.

What we see is not always what another person sees. Sometimes, we might be expecting something of another person that they're not be able or prepared to give. If we expect or demand something that someone can't give, we end up carrying offense for something that's very hard to reconcile.

Our own expectations need to be addressed before we address an issue with another

Checking in with our own heart first, is wise, and a practise of self-care. If we're hurting, validating our own emotions with honesty is a loving thing to do for ourselves. Sometimes we discover our hurt feelings are rooted somewhere else. If we feel wronged, we might be able to acknowledge that the other person may not have intentionally wronged us. In which case, is our blame misplaced? Perhaps our expectations aren’t appropriate for the person or the situation.

Once we’ve dealt with ourselves, it’s appropriate to address things with another

When we acknowledge the grace Christ has extended to us, we can more easily extend grace and work towards restoration with others without that deep well of hurt staining the fabric of our relationships.

The bible states restoration is a ministry

God has made restoration possible with Himself and because of that, He expects us to extend that same ministry to others.

2 Corinthians 5:18 (GWT)

God has done all this. He has restored our relationship with him through Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships.

Restoration is the purpose that we talk

If somebody brings an offense to us, we can give them time and attention, caring for their heart, as for our own. It's important to meet them with love and understanding, as we love ourselves, to meet them where they’re at, not only for their sake but for our own, and for the sake of Christ’s ministry to us.

1 Corinthians 1:10 (MSG)

I have a serious concern to bring up with you, my friends, using the authority of Jesus, our Master. I’ll put it as urgently as I can: You must get along with each other. You must learn to be considerate of one another, cultivating a life in common.

It’s not about making a point, or shaming another because we feel justified or angry. Nor is it about pretending to show grace.

Job 18:4 (GWT)

Why do you rip yourself apart in anger? Should the earth be abandoned for your sake or a boulder be dislodged?

Sometimes, we might feel cornered or outraged because we know someone else has a certain expectation of us that we can’t, or don't want to, fulfil. When we are responding to God’s love first, we can learn to understand another’s perspective, forgiving if necessary.

Philippians 2:1-2 (GNT)

Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you. You have fellowship with the Spirit, and you have kindness and compassion for one another. I urge you, then, to make me completely happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and being one in soul and mind.

When we have fellowship with the Holy Spirit, we will intentionally show kindness and compassion to others, even through difficult conversations. When we come together because of what Christ has done for us, anything is possible.

I pray that we'll remember in every conversation, that talking to restore bonds, not to blame or shame, is Christ's ministry at work in us.