Prayer of Surrender

LORD,

This isn’t what I imagined You’d allow

I thought You had my back

but it feels like You don't

I feel so let down

So deeply disappointed

So deeply deeply hurt

By You!

I don’t put my trust in man

I do put my trust in You

Yet, You let this happen

I feel You let me down

Yet I know You are only good

How do I make sense of that?

Scattered

I feel so scattered

You say You make all things work together

for my good

Me and my household

I guess that means You’re not finished yet

You have more to teach me

But, oh, this hurts God!

This feels so unfair!

It feels like walking with a deeply embedded splinter

in the sole of my foot

I can't get it out and have to keep walking on

Limping

Hold me

Help me to learn well

You know the plans You have for me

I believe they’re for good, never for evil

I just ask, because I know You’re gracious

Give me glimpses of You

so that I can keep believing in Your promises

I don't want to give up

I don't want to mess up

Lord, this is my prayer of surrender

I ask for grace to walk the humble path

of accepting when things are unacceptable to my mind

I seek Your peace to sit at the table

The table You’ve prepared for me

in the presence of my enemies

I call out for Your love to conquer

over the weapons formed against me and mine

because You say they will not prosper

You tell me to love my enemies

To do good to those who persecute me

who despise me

who hate me

How I feel the hate

It seems impossible, Lord

I need Your mind and Your heart

to overwhelm my own and cover me

Turn me to Your way of thinking

Turn the light of Your face to shine on me

Shine through me, though I feel so shadowed

I know now I will be inconvenienced as I follow You

But my surrender is Your open door

to complete the work You started in me

because You are faithful

I won't let the devil turn my mind.

I won't let my thoughts dissuade me

from Your goodness

from Your mercy towards me

from the knowledge that Your loving-kindnesses are new to me

every morning

You hold me and You won't let me fall.

Thank you Lord

I belong to You

That is my saving grace

Psalm 56:8,9

Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record?

Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help.

By this I will know that God is for me.