GODHUG

Life is often beautiful even though it’s often full of pain. When life doesn't meet our hopes or expectations, it's never convenient. During suffering, God teaches us a fresh perspective if we’re willing to listen and receive it. In receiving, it deepens our understanding and forms our maturity.

I carry with me an eternal hope and belief that God will make everything worthwhile, no matter what I face, because suffering produces qualities in me that make me stronger. I do have to fight to reignite hope that’s deferred through long bouts of suffering, so my heart doesn’t become sick (Proverbs 13:12).

Hope, when we’ve been carrying it for a long time and our deepest longings have been disappointed over and over again, becomes a burden. We can become heart sick.

Proverbs 23:12 (NIV)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Yet, God tells us, our hope will not be disappointed because of the Holy Spirit’s love that He pours into our hearts (Romans 5:5). Well, we have to receive that love, rather than build up doubt, resentment and estrangement from the Father. Romans 5:2 says we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Strangely, hope comes from the character and the perseverance that develops through suffering (Romans 5:4); that hope has been placed in us through love by the Holy Spirit.

When I pray for God to change my situation to suit us because it just feels like ongoing, unnecessary suffering, mostly He changes me to better handle our situation. That in itself can be hard. Why can’t He just change our situation? Why the constant struggle? The constant let-downs? Why the thorns and prickles that keep pushing up under my feet, hurting me?

One day, as I was driving, I saw a number plate GODHUG. I had just finished an appointment that made me feel sore and tender and tearful. After seeing that, I whimpered to God, "I’d like a GODHUG today". Well, guess what? I got a GODHUG in the form of a cuddly long cardigan with a 40% off price tag. It reached nearly down to my ankles and wrapped around me with a tie around the waist. Like a full-body hug.

God actually cared about my little prayer, even my whimpering, and gave me a real cuddle, something I could literally wrap myself up in. Because that cuddly cardi-coat was so literal and hug-like and exactly what I had asked from Him, God used it to freshen my perspective. But I had to choose that shift. Again. I had to choose not to push it away and insist life wasn't fair and God was being mean, because if He wanted to He could change things.

I can feel like my life is one big project; that I’m a project. It’s easy to think I don’t find the light at the end of the tunnel because I’m not worth it. My life doesn’t reflect real breakthrough because I deserve what I'm getting. I'm just not getting things right. I've been such a disappointment to God that He just can't get over it.

Now, I know that's not true. I know those are my emotions plucking the same violin strings that set up their own frequency of lament years ago. Associations and words spoken against me replay themselves in my heart even if not always in my head, and they linger. Oh, do they linger. Many days I feel I have to pick up my heart and carry it, otherwise it trails along behind me on the ground like a ragged ribbon.

That day, I received a GODHUG because I prayed for one. In the process I was reassured that God really does love me. He loves and accepts me enough to do something so sweet and personal because I’d brought my aching heart to Him. While God is intent on changing me to become more like Him, He also wants me to know I’m being heard. I’m seen. I'm not above or beneath His redemption. My cuddly GODHUG was a reassurance but also a parental reminder. ‘Hang on and trust me and let yourself be moulded by my hand. I do care. I will come through. I hold your heart. But it’s important you mature fully and learn to carry my discipline with unwavering trust in my goodness.’

Hebrews 12:6 (NLT)

For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

It's not discipline or punishment because I keep making wrong choices. On the contrary, I diligently seek the right choices before Him. My heart yearns to walk inside the covering of His arm and His pleasure. Sometimes my choices are hard, and they don't always bring ease. The bible talks of discipline as a training.

Some people may not think it’s worth following a God who keeps allowing challenges to rub sore patches on your heart. Why make life so hard?

But I say to God, “I know that GODHUG was you. Thank you for seeing me and reassuring me along the way. I know you’re completing what you began in me. And it's a good work. I’m going to stop trying to reach past you and what you’re wanting to do in me. I'm going to try and see myself as you see me. Adopted and purified and crowned. I’m going to stand firm in the will of God, whatever that looks like, mature and fully assured (Colossians 4:12). And when You have finished testing me, I will come out like gold (Job 23:10) and your glory will be seen.”